Originally posted Friday, September 9, 2011

Excuse me while I rant….

My daughter wants to know what an orgy is. Why? Cuz there’s a movie out called: A Good Old Fashioned Orgy and she saw a preview for it on tv. Now as a parent I watch for details. And the details are that some stations… SOME only show certain types of ads after a certain hour.They are not all diligent in assuring that questionable ads come on at appropriate times. But regardless of the time that this came on, the fact that this is a mainstream movie is what’s annoying to me. The fact that we can have movies with titles that are this blatant is ok and no one throws a tantrum bothers me. Why do you ask? Cuz in the same week, folks are boycotting Dancing with the Stars because Chaz Bono is going to be on it. They claim that the gay community (technically Chas isn’t gay now) is “shoving their lifestyle down their throats”. Really?  All he is doing is dancing. Not dating or screwing or even kissing anyone. They say that they don’t want to be forced to have certain discussions with their kids. What discussions. If Chaz appears on tv all the kids will see is a dude dancing. the next question would be is… who is he? then the follow up question is… who is Cher? Chaz’s sexuality would NEVER be a question that the kids would ask unless the adults brought it up cuz there’s no sex involved. But i have to talk to my daughter about a freakin orgy cuz that is flat out the name of a movie that’s being advertised on tv.

No where, no how is gay sex EVER promoted in mainstream entertainment. But yet, we have movies named Zach and Miri Make a Porno. Really? And have you seen a trailer for any of the American Pie movies??? If they aren’t shoving sex down our throats then I don’t know who is. But Ellen dances badly on tv and folks are disgusted. They always mark the popularity of anything gay as the decline of man. Really? It’s not sex that they have a problem with. Cuz they push sex all over the place.  They even push gay sex to some extent but act like they don’t know it.  Str8 people will put two womyn together in a hot second for their own viewing pleasure. It just becomes a problem with the lesbians are doing it for themselves and not for some str8 man’s entertainment. They peddle love and marriage as competitions on tv in the Bachelor and Bachlorette but if we want to get married out of love it’s the first sign of the end of days. The 40 year old Virgin was a hit movie. They show Steve Carrell (sp?) as some poor schmuck that should be laughed at because he’s not out fornicating like the rest of society. We’re not trying to get him to fall in love or get married. Just have sex. Really? What does the Bible say about that? hmmmmm? But everyone knows (or think they know) what the Bible says about gays and sex. The term “sex sells” wouldn’t even exist if people didn’t actually use sex to sell their beers, movies and music. Oh yeah, just heard a song on the radio this morning as i was driving my daughter to school, i rarely listen to the radio but she turned it on and there’s a song playing about a guy who doesn’t want love just sex. Great. this is the first thing that my baby gyrl hears in the morning. Nice way to start out our day. I turn it off. No one cares. No one is going to make a stink. I’m sure the boy singing it was cute. So what’s the big deal? Boundaries and hypocrisy.

Look, I’m not trying to tell folks how, when, or where they should have sex. But damn, there’s a time and place for everything. A gay person can’t fucking hold hands in public without people losing their damn minds. But we as a society let soooo many inappropriate str8 sex images pass without so much a wimper and i am tired of it. I’ve already had the sex talk with my daughter but I had no plans to include, orgies, pornos, one nite stands or quickies into the mix. But apparently I have to because she’s being bombarded with these terms everyday all day in the media. And like the str8 people say “i don’t appreciate them putting this topic in front of me and forcing me to talk to my child about it!”

*exhales*

i’m done. thank u for listening.

-Jenn-

In the video for the song Everybody Knows he shows a variety of couples in different stages in life/love/relationships. Among them an elderly couple, young, black, white, with child and… drum roll… lesbian. The fact that they wre black lesbians was the icing on the cake for me. And they were fully clothed and showing affection were the cherries and sprinkles on top of the icing. Yes, there we are! Thank you John Legend. It is a refreshing departure from the half naked, porno magazine type “lesbians” who always seem 2 be hot and ready whenever a man is watching. This video was a nice lil’ brigh spot 2 my day.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQC8b3bvixs] 

Side note: One of the womyn in the video is the model/actress Kisha Batista seen in the butch documentary The Aggressives. She was my fav. Glad to see her out there.

She tells Shaun Robinson in a new book about female empowerment, “I [used to] ingratiate myself to him [men] and then sleep with him [them]. Afterward, I felt disgusting- really gross and nasty … and I hated myself. That feeling was so horrible, I decided I would never do that again.”

It has been (mis)interpreted as her saying that she had given up men. Tho’ even as a gay woman I was able to step back and see that she may have meant that she wouldn’t do it under those circumstances. I get it. I want the quote to be a confession. I admit it. But why? Is it a simple case of queen setting off everyone’s gaydar very chance we get we try to find a gotcha moment to silence the noise? Or is it much more than that?

I know that I’ve mentioned many times before that we just don’t have any visibility in the black gay community. The desire for someone, anyone to come out as black and gay is strong in most of us. And to have someone with the status of Oscar nominated, ever so popular, ever so positive Queen Latifah come out as one of the family would be such a huge boost. It would be so incredibly uplifting. And we do need uplifting. But getting a step up in society at the resistence of someone else is not the way to go. I think that we should leave Queen Latifah the hell alone. I’m bored with it. I can’t see why no one else is. Sure I get the vibe from her but that could also be wishful thinking. Wishing for validation from a society that just doesn’t see me.

But that shouldn’t come from someone else. She’s not our queen so we can’t decide to claim her just cuz we want it. Changes can (and will) be made. By us. By going out and being out every day of my life. By encouraging my sisters in the life to do the same and slowing but surely, they’re eyes will open.

I came across

Lo discusses how butchness is treaded by the mainstream and expressed how irritated and offended she is by some examples. Well you think that’s bad? Try throwing a little black on top of that. Lo speaks of the latest butch “it” gyrl, Rachael Maddow. They add a touch of rosiness to her lips and cheeks as a reminder that America is still terrified of anyone who might be butch. But she’s there. So American can’t be that scared. So is Ellen. So is K.D. Lang. All with thriving careers. It’s a start. But I have zero examples of African American lesbians in the mainstream let alone a butch one. Wait, what’s Wanda? LOL Ok, so she’s gonna be the black lesbian go-to chick from now on. We are faced with extra obstacles in our community and I think being butch is one that is so far down on the list of hurdles that it never gets reached.

I recall a butch friend of mine trying to make it in the music business as a singer once told me when I asked her why she “femmed” herself up she replied,” cuz no one wants to see that shit!” She said it with such venom that she almost made me think that she didn’t want to see herself that way. Even though she always appeared butch when she wasn’t performing. She recognized the problem but chose to join them instead of trying to beat them. There’s plenty of anxiety from straights in regards to butch womyn but it s more frustrating when it comes from your own. In a recent episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens had to give make overs to some pretty masculine womyn. While I can’t make ASSumptions about their sexuality, it was clear that they picked womyn with a masculine edge for more dramatic affect. I’m sure even a femme made up like a drag queen would be as much of a spectacle. But they had to take the swagger out of these very tough womyn. And for what? So we can say “wow, u’r just like any other woman?” So what.

Gay or not a black woman who isn’t completely feminine can’t make it far in the media at all. There will not be any black Ellens or black Rachaels. Not for a while at least. Remember when Alicia Keyes first stepped on the scene? Head full of braids and a swagger to match. I saw her on Letterman talking about how she don’t do dresses and will never do them. My how times have changed. Now she looks like one of the Dreamgirls and is a bigger star than ever. Ok, that was a long time ago and people change. However, that change occurred with Queen Latifah and Eve. They didn’t seem to really get that momentum until they slapped on more Cover Girl and pumps. Sorry I can’t really present examples of black lesbians and how the media portrays them. There are no black lesbians in the media! Damn, Wanda didja lock the door behind ya when you came out? While Maddow charms her way into the mainstream and Ellen tickles her way onto the cover of O Magazine, America still has a closet full of black gays that aren’t even considering coming out. And I’m afraid that my sweet studs will be the last to make an appearance. That’s cool. The finale is always the best part of the show.

I have a small bone to pick with Oprah Winfrey.  First I want 2 point out that I absolutely admire her and think that her accomplishments and contribution to society are commendable. But she dropped the ball on her show on Women Leaving Men for Other Women.

I don’t want 2 go into the conversation about labels and whether they’re “real” lesbians or bisexuals. The concept of sexuality being fluid was discussed as well. A very fascinating concept that I won’t go into either.  Nor will I talk about the families point of view and the interviews O had with the children of these late blooming lesbians.  I just want to point out a small almost unnoticeable part of the show.  The lack of womyn of colour.

It seems that the Prop 8 debacle brought to light that some don’t even believe that there are any black gays. And understandably so. We’re practically invisible. .Not in movies, television shows, or entertainment. You can find the occassional black gay man. But African American lesbians? Nah. People have heard of us but never actually seen one or met one.  What’s messed up is that I didn’t notice until I noticed that others didn’t notice. I was content with being lumped with all gays until the black vs gay topic broke out. Then I had to realize that I am not black and gay. I’m black or gay.

I refuse to choose. You can’t slice me up and have me only acknowledge certain parts of me when convenient. I am black and gay and woman. And u know what? There are a lot of us out there and I’d like to see us more. There was a chance to make that happen on the Oprah Winfrey on March 20th. But her people just couldn’t find the elusive black lesbian. I guess we’re like big foot or something. . .