the common stereotype about lesbians is that we hate men. i’ll speak 4 myself in saying that that is absolutely not true. i was a daddy’s gyrl all the way. i love my brother dearly. and i have a slew of uncles and male cousins that have made my life much richer. i don’t have a romantic interest in them but i recognize that they do bring a balance to life. i imagine that the only reason that that person said they’d get involved with a mommy if the daddy wasn’t around is due to the idea that they may be threatened by his presence. but if a person is worried about their mate going back, then it doesn’t matter if the baby daddy was there or not. there’s a lack of trust and that’s a-whole-nother issue.

i believe that kids should have the benefit of a father or father figure in their lives but not in that rigid traditional sense. i am of the belief that it does take a village to raise a child and think that that male figure can come in the form of granddad, uncle, brother, cousin and even friend down the block. while i was adamant about my kids’ father being in their lives and am grateful that he is. however, if he wasn’t, i would get past the disappointment and find other ways to get that masculine influence in their life. it’s sad to think that there are some lesbians that think that men were not needed. that’s crazy talk. everyone and everything in this Universe is needed. ( i swear one day scientists are gonna find out that the appendix did something great for us. but i digress LOL) males are needed. but i think how they’re injected into one’s life is flexible.

i worry that they won’t understand. i wonder if they’ll be teased. i worry if they’ll resent me. i worry if they’ll miss out on a “normal” life. i worry if they’ll have worries.

i second guessed myself for a little while but realized that i can only do the best i can and let the Universe handle the rest. i meditate and pray. i rationalize and explain. but the worries persist. i don’t feel guilt…

anymore…

i worry. they love their other mom. but only after a very rough adjustment phase. i worry if it’s over or if more adjustment is needed. my son will be a teenager soon. i worry that gay mommy will be more ammunition for rebellion. he’s a good boy but i can’t stop hormones from doing what they do.

i worry about the burden that they have to bear. seems like a bit much to place on an autistic daughter. she already has one challenge and here i am giving her another. tho’ she is handling it all like a pro. i’m so proud of her. i wonder. i worry. then i wonder. where this all will lead them.

i worry about it all. i sleep on it then i live.

while i appreciate the fact that i have been accepted as the lesbian partner in this very religious family, i also couldn’t shake the feeling that they were stereotyping her as the man of the relationship. or maybe that was my over sensitivity talking. no, she did not give birth to the kids but she is still very much a mother to them. what if the kids were adopted? would people still have the same attitude? i doubt it. adopted moms are treated as moms. but since my mate is a dominant woman, she has to serve me and and honor me on this day for mothers as if she hasn’t been cooking and cleaning and rearing them for years. she was ok with it. but i couldn’t help but sigh at the idea that she still doesn’t have a place. no gift. no recognition for all the hard work she has put into our two children. only the kids understand her position. kids always seem 2 understand more than adults do.

we have all been trained and brainwashed to go with the status quo. it’s understandable when it’s st8 people. but as gays we have been forced to question the norm and search for what is right within ourselves. and yet, we too, apply these mommy/daddy stereotypes in our community. i have heard of studs who have given birth and people just shake their heads and look on in pity or even disgust. they lose their stud card cuz they chose to acknowledge what God gave them. a uterus and ovaries. here i am sighing again. studs can’t win for losing. they get put down because their not feminine but when they do something that is considered a woman’s thing, then they don’t count as studs anymore.

they’re not seen as mommies nor daddies. so are dominant womyn not supposed to be parents at all?!

i’m kicking myself for not having more stud designs in my card shop (www.cafepress.com/Kinetic_Cards). i wanted to acknowlede two mom households for Mother’s Day which i did. i designed some greeting cards for stud mommas too but the designs were ignored. no one had an interest in them so i didn’t put them up. i shoulda did it on principle. i’m now beating myself up for it. i recognize the stud mommies out there. i know u do a thankless job. and u do it completely invisible to the world.