the common stereotype about lesbians is that we hate men. i’ll speak 4 myself in saying that that is absolutely not true. i was a daddy’s gyrl all the way. i love my brother dearly. and i have a slew of uncles and male cousins that have made my life much richer. i don’t have a romantic interest in them but i recognize that they do bring a balance to life. i imagine that the only reason that that person said they’d get involved with a mommy if the daddy wasn’t around is due to the idea that they may be threatened by his presence. but if a person is worried about their mate going back, then it doesn’t matter if the baby daddy was there or not. there’s a lack of trust and that’s a-whole-nother issue.

i believe that kids should have the benefit of a father or father figure in their lives but not in that rigid traditional sense. i am of the belief that it does take a village to raise a child and think that that male figure can come in the form of granddad, uncle, brother, cousin and even friend down the block. while i was adamant about my kids’ father being in their lives and am grateful that he is. however, if he wasn’t, i would get past the disappointment and find other ways to get that masculine influence in their life. it’s sad to think that there are some lesbians that think that men were not needed. that’s crazy talk. everyone and everything in this Universe is needed. ( i swear one day scientists are gonna find out that the appendix did something great for us. but i digress LOL) males are needed. but i think how they’re injected into one’s life is flexible.

it’s not simple cases of womyn being in the closet and deciding that they can no longer pretend. i wish it were that. instead, there are womyn who are disappointed, let down, and hurt that honestly believe that being with other womyn will alleviate their pain. silly mortals. oh, so womyn can’t hurt other womyn? ha! and the irony of that thinking is that they turn out to b the ones hurting folks once they realize that they can’t pretend to be gay for too long.

i could create a set of encyclopedias with the stories of lesbians who get their hearts crushed by some bisexual that ran back to their camp. but really it’s not bisexuals at all. i think that most of these womyn are just not gay in the first place. they just want a warm body in their huts, free baby sitting or someone to help with the hunting. that’s it. as much as i wish there some sort of ritual we could perform to know who’s legit, we can’t. instead we go thru the trials and challenges until we meet with the hope of winning the prize at the end.

the prize of love that is all to romaticized among womyn. sounds obvious right? romance and love belong together. but not if u’r looking for it in all the wrong villages. i believe in the miracle of love as much as the next chick but too many of my sisters are way to unrealisitc to function well in relationships. putting up with a whole lot of bull that they know is bull but still hoping that love can come out of that. well it can’t. i know it. they know it and the st8 momma’s that they date know it. it’s high time folks woke up and quit walking over hot coals and voted the st8 MILFs off the island.

anywho, here’s the other half of my rant on my previous post. while i think that womyn with kids shouldn’t just throw their kids on their dates, i think that womyn who date womyn with kids shouldn’t just up and call themselves a mother just cuz their dating a woman who is. i recently had a friend announce to me that she’s a mother. i’m like “whuuu? when where how did this happen?” oh her new gyrlfriend has a kid. oh ok. yeah, right.

so the minute these womyn meet someone they’re ready to start a college fund, miss days from work to nurse a high fever, buy underwear and discuss why little johnny is misbehaving with his teacher? HELL NAW THEY AIN’T! folks need to stop pretending and playing games just for a piece of ass. pretty much playing a role or getting played. i dunno which. none of these make shift momma’s are gonna put that child above all else at the drop of a dime but yet, they want 2 call themselves momma just cuz the chick they’re dating is a mother. it just doesn’t work that way.

i’ve seen womyn dating pregnant chicks. WTF? they just got off the dick and folks are ready to date and take over the duty of the father. how and why would one do that? honestly, i couldn’t date a person who just got out of a relationship that quickly let alone carrying around a remnant of that relationship in their belly. who’s to say if they’re really even over that relationship? but like i said, i can’t judge every situation as the same. it’s just not a good look. yet, there is no shortage of womyn (usually studs) who jump right in and start buying diapers. and then when the relationship is over, they quickly jump out of the role like it meant nothing. this gyrl once told me that she can get over kids just the same as getting over the ex. that sounded horrible to me. and not what a real mother would/could do. if any of these womyn were serious about being momma’s they wouldn’t take the job so flippantly and they wouldn’t quit the job as soon as the relationship is over.

anywho, here’s the other half of my rant on my previous post. while i think that womyn with kids shouldn’t just throw their kids on their dates, i think that womyn who date womyn with kids shouldn’t just up and call themselves a mother just cuz their dating a woman who is. i recently had a friend announce to me that she’s a mother. i’m like “whuuu? when where how did this happen?” oh her new gyrlfriend has a kid. oh ok. yeah, right.

so the minute these womyn meet someone they’re ready to start a college fund, miss days from work to nurse a high fever, buy underwear and discuss why little johnny is misbehaving with his teacher? HELL NAW THEY AIN’T! folks need to stop pretending and playing games just for a piece of ass. pretty much playing a role or getting played. i dunno which. none of these make shift momma’s are gonna put that child above all else at the drop of a dime but yet, they want 2 call themselves momma just cuz the chick they’re dating is a mother. it just doesn’t work that way.

i’ve seen womyn dating pregnant chicks. WTF? they just got off the dick and folks are ready to date and take over the duty of the father. how and why would one do that? honestly, i couldn’t date a person who just got out of a relationship that quickly let alone carrying around a remnant of that relationship in their belly. who’s to say if they’re really even over that relationship? but like i said, i can’t judge every situation as the same. it’s just not a good look. yet, there is no shortage of womyn (usually studs) who jump right in and start buying diapers. and then when the relationship is over, they quickly jump out of the role like it meant nothing. this gyrl once told me that she can get over kids just the same as getting over the ex. that sounded horrible to me. and not what a real mother would/could do. if any of these womyn were serious about being momma’s they wouldn’t take the job so flippantly and they wouldn’t quit the job as soon as the relationship is over.

of course it’s a common stereotype in the lesbian community that womyn move fast. it’s true love within the couple of weeks and turns into forever by the next month. i smh every time i see the pattern. but really have no comment on it if two people are single they can do whatever they want. however, when u have children i find it to be a terrible idea to drag kids thru this routine. i can’t imagine what it’s teaching kids to see this revolving door on mommy’s bedroom. kids need stability and some womyn are exposing them to a parade of dates. forcing them to have relationships with every tom, dick, harry, michelle, emma and sue cannot be healthy. it’s ok for mommy to have friends but mommy makes every new friend the new mommy or the new daddi to their kids. the kids form bonds and then when mommy doesn’t get along with the new date then that other parent is ripped from the kids life. i never suffered heartbreak as a kid but i see kids in this day and age getting their hearts broken at the drop of a dime and no one talks to them about it or helps them heal. kids are resiliant creatures….thank God. but must their resolve be tested so much? and unnecessarily so.

i understand that mom and kids are a package deal but it’s a precious package that everyone shouldn’t be a part of. or at least not without thought and planning. what’s good for mommy isn’t always good for the babies. kids don’t need 2 date just cuz their mom is. it’s drives me batty to hear these grown womyn playing house like a couple of little gyrls. just assigning role of the other momma or even daddi without even discussing parenting styles, spiritual paths or even coordinating work schedules (issues that i personally have experienced). but folks are so “in love” that they have 2 move forward quickly without even considering the little one(s). it all appears harmless now cuz they’re young and the affects won’t come out until many many years later. and by then it’s too damn late. they’re already on the path that mommy set them on.

what i wonder is if anyone learns from their past. i know womyn who admit that they’ve never had a long term relationship. if u know your own pattern why not change it up and take it slowly? especially if u got kids to consider. everyone knows that if u do the same things, u will get the same results. and if u’r getting your your heart broken or experiencing disappointment after disappointment with dates then it’s reasonable to say that the children in these relationships experience similar emotional pains? yes. they are human beings after all. and mommies need to remember that when they meet someone cute and want 2 move them in.